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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Chewing Gum is Disgusting

It’s not often that I write rants (of sorts) but this is one of those things that makes me lose faith in humanity. No, even worse than that, it makes me ashamed to be a part of the human race. In my opinion this is one of the most detrimental inventions to the progress of civilised culture and etiquette. Humanity would be much better off if we abandoned this unnecessary glob.
I’m talking about chewing gum, the thing you masticate with that doesn’t provide any nutrition, doesn’t break down easily and is actually banned in a few cities. What purpose does it serve? To satisfy compulsive fidgeters? To clog drainage systems? To make an obscene mess on any surface it comes into contact with? It is one of the most useless items that is sold on the shelves of our stores.

Why am I writing this post? I’ll tell you why, today I stood on a piece of gum that was on the ground, that wasn’t even 2 metres from a rubbish bin! What kind of inconsiderate, uncultured, uncivilised buffoon would do such a thing? Did the thought even cross their pathetic little mind to place their disgusting oral faeces into a place where it couldn’t cause this kind of response? They are probably the kind of person who doesn’t bother to place ordinary rubbish in the bin, perhaps they even go to the effort to place wrappers down storm water drains, spit on the sidewalk, piss on the seat, talk on the phone in the library, and in general are just a poster-child for abortion.
We do not need chewing gum, in fact, the world would be a much more pleasant place if every country adopted Singapore’s policy on the matter. Chewing gum is illegal there, and possession of it will reward you with a hefty fine. In Singapore, you don’t have to worry about grabbing the under-side of a seat in a public place to move it forward, nor do you have to worry about your knees touching the under-side of a table for fear of getting gum on your pants. You don’t have to worry about sitting on gum, and you sure don’t have to worry about standing in it!

So far I’ve only really discussed the detriment of gum once it has been expelled from the mouth and become attached to a surface it isn’t welcome on. The actual act of chewing the gum itself is almost just as bad. When I see someone chewing gum, it brings forth images of the aforementioned pestilences that the final product can bring forth, but when I HEAR someone chewing gum, with their mouth open, it boils my blood. I absolutely cannot stand that sound. I can tolerate the slurping of a hot drink, or noodles. I can tolerate burping in fact I even partake in festive burping whilst consuming carbonated beverages and beer. But I simply cannot stand the *sslurrack* (my best attempt at a phonetic rendition of the chewing sound) sound that people make when they chew gum with their mouth open.

16 comments:

  1. Gum is a pain in the butt, i hate having to take it out of my mouth and find somewhere to chuck it, or wrap it up in my pocket till i find a bin.. (i think hankies are gross as well, pocketed snot = lovely)

    Which is why ive switched to eclipse mints. you get 50 instead of 12 or 20 gum pieces, it comes in a tin - tin>crappy paper wrappers that make a mess and there's no 'oral faeces' to speak of!

    and poster child for abortion = lol. I don't think chewing gum is quite the worst thing holding back civilisation, but yeah i see where you are going.

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  2. Chewing gum I don't really have a problem with, a bit of hyperbole there, it's the open-mouthed chewing and utterly disgusting act of spitting it, or placing it in undesired places that really pisses me off.

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  3. I don't have a problem with the chewing. But when I see gum stains in a cluster around a bin or just outside the tuck shop for example, I feel like im living in a shit hole and I want to stab people RAWR

    Dylan S

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  4. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED LOOKING INTO ISLAM
    IT IS THE REAL WAY OF LIFE JUST GO INTO YOUTUBE AND SEARCH THE PURPOSE OF LIFE BY KHALID YASSIN WHICH WAS A PRIEST THEN CONVERTED TO ISLAM FACT,ISLAM IS THE FASTEST GROWING RELIGION IN THE WORLD

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    Replies
    1. gay, gay, gay , loser, die.

      Delete
    2. We will see who is the loser on the day of judgment and I'm 100% sure it's YOU!!!!!!

      Delete
    3. A word of advice, nutjob. People who use caps lock do not get taken seriously. Secondly, you should have written 'who', and not 'which'. Thirdly, this thread is about another disgusting cultural artifact: chewing gum, not Islam. Go pollute YT.

      Delete
  5. Gum needs to disappear more than anything else. I work in retail, and between the customers going "Chomp snap snap click" all f*cking day and my coworker who is the sweetest woman ever, but never is without that infernal piece of minty noise in her mouth..I get ready to explode. I can't explain it, anything to do with gum simply drives me insane. I have really sensitive ears and if I hear a single *Snap* from across the store I will want to pry it out of the offender's disgusting mouth. The smell gives me a headache..I don't like mint..and I've seriously considered getting a doctor to say I'm highly allergic to it so I could get it banned from the store, (between the headaches and the affect on my nerves, it wouldn't be far off,) because 40+ hours a week of snapping noises has left who knows how many dents in stockroom walls from my fists. I saw a parent giving gum to a BABY the other day- the kid didn't even look like she could walk. I was tempted to call the police for a choking hazard. I'm sorry I didn't. What has the world come to where people can't stand to go 5 minutes without chewing something? You know what it's like? Babies who can't let go of their pacifiers.

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    1. You are not alone. The sight and sound of chewing gum gives me murderous thoughts. I hate war, pestilence and poverty less. The news that the Wrigley factory in Plymouth (UK) was to double its production some years ago plunged me into clinical depression for a week.

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  6. i so hate chewing gum
    i think its the most disgusting thing in the world

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  7. YES! I love this blog post. Chewing gum is DISGUSTING. I can't stand it.

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  8. I thought I was alone all these years. My people...

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    Replies
    1. You're definitely not alone. Gum is the bane of my existence.

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  9. It's very likely that you all have misophonia (literally "hatred of sound"). I have it and I hate gum almost more than anything else in the world. It is the most vile substance known to man.

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  10. Maybe someone should start an anti-gum blog...seriously.

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  11. OK, I started a misophonia blog that includes a gum rant: http://confessionsofamisophoniac.blogspot.ca/2017/05/rant-gum-is-disgusting.html

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