It’s not often that I write rants (of sorts) but this is one of those things that makes me lose faith in humanity. No, even worse than that, it makes me ashamed to be a part of the human race. In my opinion this is one of the most detrimental inventions to the progress of civilised culture and etiquette. Humanity would be much better off if we abandoned this unnecessary glob.
I’m talking about chewing gum, the thing you masticate with that doesn’t provide any nutrition, doesn’t break down easily and is actually banned in a few cities. What purpose does it serve? To satisfy compulsive fidgeters? To clog drainage systems? To make an obscene mess on any surface it comes into contact with? It is one of the most useless items that is sold on the shelves of our stores.
Why am I writing this post? I’ll tell you why, today I stood on a piece of gum that was on the ground, that wasn’t even 2 metres from a rubbish bin! What kind of inconsiderate, uncultured, uncivilised buffoon would do such a thing? Did the thought even cross their pathetic little mind to place their disgusting oral faeces into a place where it couldn’t cause this kind of response? They are probably the kind of person who doesn’t bother to place ordinary rubbish in the bin, perhaps they even go to the effort to place wrappers down storm water drains, spit on the sidewalk, piss on the seat, talk on the phone in the library, and in general are just a poster-child for abortion.
We do not need chewing gum, in fact, the world would be a much more pleasant place if every country adopted Singapore’s policy on the matter. Chewing gum is illegal there, and possession of it will reward you with a hefty fine. In Singapore, you don’t have to worry about grabbing the under-side of a seat in a public place to move it forward, nor do you have to worry about your knees touching the under-side of a table for fear of getting gum on your pants. You don’t have to worry about sitting on gum, and you sure don’t have to worry about standing in it!
So far I’ve only really discussed the detriment of gum once it has been expelled from the mouth and become attached to a surface it isn’t welcome on. The actual act of chewing the gum itself is almost just as bad. When I see someone chewing gum, it brings forth images of the aforementioned pestilences that the final product can bring forth, but when I HEAR someone chewing gum, with their mouth open, it boils my blood. I absolutely cannot stand that sound. I can tolerate the slurping of a hot drink, or noodles. I can tolerate burping in fact I even partake in festive burping whilst consuming carbonated beverages and beer. But I simply cannot stand the *sslurrack* (my best attempt at a phonetic rendition of the chewing sound) sound that people make when they chew gum with their mouth open.